I’m not certain what to say…..

I have been feeling low the past few days. I haven’t felt up to my usual standards of reasonable health, etc., but I didn’t really know why. Until today. It occurred to me a few hours ago that today is the one year anniversary since I had to say goodbye to my most precious friend and pet, Basil.

Daddy & Basil Bear 2007-02-24 (3)

I confess. He was my favourite. Hands down, no question about it. Basil and I were close. He was my little boy and I was his father. While this is true of all the cats over the years (the father and child relationship), the one I shared with Basil was different. More intense. More direct. More of everything. And while he certainly lived a long and healthy life (he was 19 when it was time to say goodbye) I wasn’t really as prepared for his loss. At least not like I thought I was.

I am rather pragmatic about the whole mess. Death is part of life. There is no escaping this portion of the life cycle. I thought I had made peace with this knowledge and my relationship with Basil. But this isn’t really the case. I’ve pushed his loss so far out of my memory. I refuse to think about it. I sometimes refuse to think about him. Hell, I couldn’t figure out why it was that I no longer wished much to sit in my leather recliner in the t.v. room. Until today. Until today when I was looking over some pictures of him and I, sitting together in our chair.

Basil Bear's favourite place 2007-07-20 (0)

I haven’t had this reaction with the other cats who have gone before him. They too were special, but they weren’t Basil. I miss the shit out of that little furry fellow.

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6 thoughts on “I’m not certain what to say…..

  1. FB,

    I’m so sorry for your loss and Basil looks like the best cat and your photos touched me and I don’t know what to say except to love is the most wonderful way of being.

    Sizzy

  2. the first year anniversary is hard, and not everyone understands why you might be down. says so much about what a caring person you are that you still miss him. every now and then we hook up with that special pet, that old soul who’s been with us in our hearts always.

  3. This must be very hard, and i write this as i cry. No matter how much time passes, it still hurts.when these special souls are close to our hearts, you can never be prepared or forget.no matter how hard you try.ditto goodbear. you are a very caring person.

  4. Commiserations indeed! I know exactly how you must feel. It mirrors so closely my own feelings over the loss of the first Shih Tzu I had… something that even now, years afterwards, if I speak overmuch about it would reduce me to an embarrassing state.

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